AM I OBSESSED TO LOOK "WHITER"?

I read an article in the newspaper about how some "Indonesians" women become obsessed to have white skin. Although I always denied it but I know deep down in my heart I had that obsession too. Of course the white skin is not means absolute white like the western women, it's a clearer white. Brighter one.

I was born with a dark brown skin, sawo matang, they said. I thought it is a darker than sawo matang, it's sawo busuk..he..he.....However at that time when most of girls are thinking how to look prettier, I was too busy to play basketball..that made my skin even darker. I didn't even get any sun cream lotion.... waaaaaa...Then a few years later when some girls become women and thought about using the make up, at that time I just realize that I was not only have a dark skin, I had a mosquito's bite scar in all my skin...gee..I knew I always three step behind all the girls.

When did it start? It started with a kiss... ups thats tdrama title.
It starts when I had more time for myself. Recently after quiting from a job, I have more time to see the real me. I realize not only a dark skin I had, I also have "kusam" skin,. I changed my look with the following steps:


1. I set my dream, the one slogan cream

not only look whiter, but also radiant and flawlessly looking.

2. I started by some whitening cream product. First Melanin, it's a suncream from the medical side. It says the cream will protect your skin everyday. It probably did, but how come my skin are not whiter.....

after 4 weeks.....I decided to go to "the salon" to try their whitening cream products. The sales lady advise me to but two creams, the sun cream and the night cream. She said they are not only to make my skin whiter, but also to reduce the wrinkles (ups, now she mentioned, I felt so old). I tried for several weeks. Didn't like it. The suncream was smelly and sticky. It didn't match with my powder. The night cream was OK, but sometime forgot to use it.

6 weeks after using the salon cream i stoped. What would I say? I become a victim of advertisement. Ponds use a middle age woman to promote their new product. the whitening, anti wrinkles and any magic slogan. I like some others people love an instant thing. Yeah, why you have to buy three cream if you can buy one with tree benefit. Then I bought pond's complete care. the price is more expensive than the previous one. Try it for several weeks. It is not sticky. It absorbed well on my skin and didn't make my face blink with the oily look. Now that I thought I am going to settle my problems. then the agne come out. Ups...god, my free acnes face became a soil of acnes forest.

At the end, I guess I had to accept the reality that my skin is the way it is. Can't be whiter, a bit lighter perhaps. I am still trying to find the right cream..someday...I knew I could find the one. :)

Coward to Love

But I don’t care what they say I’m in love with you
They try to pull me away but they don’t know the truth
My heart’s crippled by the vein that I keep on closing
You cut me open and I

Gosh, It's amazing that lyrics and song influenced me. The "Bleeding Love" was sang by Leona Lewis .The beat and arransement was superb. She was a mixing diva of powerful Whitney Houston and the soprano Mariah Carey. You could enjoy her performance in youtube.

What this song influence me is that I realize that I never really let love take part of my life. I was too afraid to break my heart. I only want to date a man that "secure" in my heart. I am not a risk taker... or on simple world I am a coward to fight for love.

Some of you maybe have lots of boyfriends, partner even x husband. A friend of mine told me that she used to have two boyfriends, One is permanent and one for back up. And she always said it's really hard to maintain that kind of relationship, based on lots of lie. Finally she gave up and choose to life alone. Huh...I wonder how some men could handle their "bigamy" love. Whatever!!!

Some people bravely committed their love. I was watching the famous kdrama "coffe prince" and enchanted the way scenario let the love play. It is amazing series. Show lots of love in a way that I regret that I never got that kind of experience in my life.

What about your love?

APPLY

Huh (sigh). That word took me to few years ago, when I worked as junior in one company. I am a member of 5 female working as student advisor in a Language Institution. I remmember we used to chasing job. Apply for a job.

One day a friend of mine informed me that JIS are looking for teacher assistant. Me, Ms A and Ms M, was really interested. We thought it was a good job, untight duties, and had a good salary. We prepared the CV to be sent it right away. A few days we got a call for English test. It was a very easy English test. We were too sure that we will pass the test but end up dissapointed when none of us are accepted.

Apply (sigh) also remind me the process of preparing the cv (sometimes we copy each other CV which look good), found out the vacancies and lied to the boss that we are going to the bank (instead of posting the CV to post office). You guy now might not have the same experience. Applying now is more privacy, I mean you just send the attached CV by e-mail and it's done for just a second.

But i do not regret what I did in the past. Applying writing a CV is a kind of feedback. Look at the positive way, when you type your CV or re-read the the CV, you read your dream position or job, your limits (strength and weakness) and your experience. When I read my CV, I remmembered beautiful moments will all my friends, also some gosips in the past, my previous handsome bosses....

Yesterday after reading the newspaper I became less confident to apply for a job. The job for limited skill middle age woman is hard to find. Mostly they try to find the top managerial level for the person with my age, at the same time they put my standards skills for young woman only. how come I apply for a job when I am sure I am not attractive anymore? How come I apply for a job when I realize that they basic salary could not even afford the transportation expenses that I have to pay. HOW come???

ME and YOU

Who am I?
I am a woman. A kind of moody person. Easy to distract and change the mood.
I realized it's not a good personality but I can't help it. It's just me.
So sorry guys, who knows me. and thank you for being passion and friendly with me.

In this blog I would like to share my experience as a x-employee, a housewife, and a woman of course. I really hope you enjoy the blog, at least try to leave the comments if you read them.

I am happy to get any critics as I am not an English woman, my English is particularly below standard, and as I'm not a writer, my writing could be suck.......I never have any formal literacy education, but I used to love reading books.

Who are you?
A reader who happened to love reading (please give me courage to keep writing)
An old friend who knew me (please email me so we could get intouch)
A person who will communicate with me and became a new friend (please leave comments)

So I hope keep reading and tell me your blog name so I could read yours.